turmoils

there is only so much a man can take
but i give up, for once i wished i didn't have watsapp.. for once in the many times i wish i was in an era of letters. where people took no liberties of staying mad forever, or where there was no space left for misunderstandings, or where feelings meant much more to dash them away.. i wish..
why my post.. i have had a tough day and a night emotionally taxing.. trying to save friendships , apologizing to people.. why i do? i don't know.. cause i care? i guess.. i do.. no matter how much i try..
does the time spent hold no value? does caring for some people whom you hold dear, not enough?
i am emotionally exhausted and spent.
seas are never smooth.. but when they are rough.. often the ship wrecks. the ship, the crew, the timbers all washed away swept to be never seen or found.. perhaps a few debris sweep up the beach.. painfully reminding of the once majestic ship with a crew of many...
friendships are similar... built with love and care the timbers.. the memories the crew.. whole together the ship.. once shattered is never placed back, never glued back.. and someday when you are sitting on a beach and sudden memory flashes by.. and you are painfully reminded of a once friendship, of a bond that once was so dear.
and when there are three ships sinking together at the same time.. its hard.. its more like a 100 typhoons raging over, howling but you are there trying to stire clear of it.. tugging the ropes hard.. holding on to the ships.. but will the hold stay? shall you see a new sun?

Why should chapattis be gol (circle) ??

Why indeed! Why cant they be some random shape... may be a country or a smashed face..or a bird flying or diamond shape.. that needs talent too! Why my question about chapattis??  Does it have a geometrical aspect to it, or an aesthetic one? Or just one of the many never-asked-never-answered questions?! Well, every Indian household with a daughter(s) when reaching to a certain age have to sign in into Indain-culinary classes (creating the perfect brides since time immemorable)... so without knowing you are made to prepare for questions like “sasural wale kya kahinge” which is a rhetorical question.. if “sasural wale” indeed ask something act dumb (as written in page 23 of “Q and A of sasural wale”)

Case 1

Sasural wale: Beta, do you know to make rotis?

Beta : uhmm, of course aunty.. good round fulka rotis..

Sasural : (she hesitated, too much information, probably a show off, definitely doesn’t know to make rotis) :stamps REJECTED on the photo:

Case2

Sasural wale: beta, do you know to make rotis?

Beta: :stares at the wall:

Beta’s ma: of course she does, makes rotis everyday..! almost like Ma Annarpurna has blessed her rotis!

Sasural: (thinks: good obedient girl, let elders ans,her mom is very truthful,no reasons for her to lie)  .. she is prrrrrreefect! :ties the mangal sutr around her neck herself:

But as soon as she presents her sasuralwale with a bird shaped roti, she would be probably handed divorce papers conjured right out from thin air.. would it matter if they are edible? NO! The roti needs to look good, even if it means to be crushed into a plum and dissolved into a sludge with more horrible looking acids...

Atlast everything comes down to looks..even a roti has to pass the judgmental eyes of people. Checking out its shape, colour, texture, contours.. you are damned to make pokemon rotis, its a 109% no no for the grey hairs, though will make you real famous with the kids! ;) and yes my roti shaping skills suck! Too free minded to make circular rotis (thats what i like to believe, i-got-roti-making-dyslexia)

a letter

to the ever cruel hope,

me thinks it's not the diseases, not the epidemics, not the sadness, nor the greed which Pandora unleashed in the world by her stupid curiosity and disobedience than the evil disguised as good glittering and twinkling fairy which everyone likes to believe to be "HOPE"... the idea of hope is as virtual as the believe that you are what the mirror shows you... hope does as much goodness as much you find a Nazi helping a Jew.. its as pathetic as Indian belly swollen , greedy-oiled-paan-chewing politicians... hope is as cruel as listening to Justin Bieber and  Rebecca Black mash up with Miley Cyrus dancing over a destruction ball X 1000.... its as delusional as all the cosmetic product ads put together.... its as evil as the person who promises you to buy kulfi turns out that he is trying to kidnap you..

hope disgusts me now more than ever.. if you were a person i did probably hate you more than Voldermort. which is ALOT! you have poked me where i was sourest, you have mentally raped me when i was the weakest (i know inappropriate use, but nothing was more befitting)... i had sworn allegiance with you at a tender age no matter what may come.. but you.. you pushed me right off the cliff , while my back was turned to you.. such was your partnership?! you disgust me to the level where even pimpled toads seem a pretty site...

hope.... GAAAHHH!!! may you be locked in the boiling depths of tarturus and burn in inferno for a period unknown...

yours once-a-believer..

don't run after free candies!!

Inhumanity is human nature.Every year more or less, people of this massive hive are woken from their dreamy slumbers to the rawness of a society.It is followed by a few days of  "is this the nation we live in?" or "we need more laws" "men should be controlled" "death sentence! castrate them!" the media, facebook, twitter, blogs they are swarming like bees on this topic.A few more weeks and this will die down ,with a silent but occasional hisses like when you pour water over a dieing fire.Harsh but true.Take jessica lal case or the aarushi murder case (which is still not decisive) notice again all point to the capital. They have died long ago.

I see no change in pattern to this recent Delhi gang rape case.Don't get me wrong!I am as feminist as they come, and i am glad the increasing rape cases and atrocities against women have been come to everyone's notice.But hyping a singular event asking for death penalties for the wrong doers just doesn't seem fair enough.If such a heinous act has to be punished make them suffer for killing a young girl to satisfy their more than animal needs. It's like watching kids running towards free candy, without questioning what would be the outcomes or why at all  are they been giving free candies! the mob needs to think different.

Why not analyse what made them do such extreme acts, why not question the cause of such crimes? There have been more excruciating torturous actions against women and they live to tell the tale, why not listen to them and give them voice as strong?? no, but all they see is the candy. Politicians seek this scrumptious opportunity to sell the candies while the kiddish crowd feeds on it.

If you ask me the human mind is loosing it. It fails to stay calm and seeks solace in violence and pain. Over this year there has been reports of "mass shooting at Aurodo at the premiere of dark knight rises" and the "connecticut school shooting" and "the mistaken murder of a girl" (where the murderer thought he was killing his ex-girlfriend turns out to be an unfortunate gal wearing the same clothes) or the Guwahati gang rape which was splashed all over net in a shameful way, and countless others, the clear pointers of loosing the sanity of man. This is something the attention should be focused on.

The immediate solution to this age old atrocities is gearing up against men. If we lack in physic it's time not to be sissies and complain about lack of security but to learn to fight and aid ourselves for such emergency situations.
i am happy for the girl, who passed away for i dread to think how she would have survived even if she lived to tell the tale.But i mourn for what had caused her sudden demise. It's noone's right to take away life goes for both us and them.

easy.. huh??

If mind was sand and will was sea..

 things would have been just so much easy.

darkness ... the face....

A flash, murmurings, a scream, piercing noises the ones you usually hear when your neighbor's kids pretends to be a cop with a realistic toy gun.. how is it.. looking around in the dark hall seeing smoke and a masked joker face. How..? baam.. pain searing through his body.. groping in the dark to check for his friends.. feeling bodies some breathing some damp.. am i.. is this... end?.. slipping..slipping into darkness a much profound one than which he was leaving..

“mom can i get the batman balloon?!”  his mom smiling down on him “oh ok.. i will get you one!. C’mon we are getting late”. Mom and the kid hoped off hurriedly into the crowd as it swayed towards the hall doors and the face of the batman bubbling  up and down among the many heads... lights dimmed and the starting credits rolled into the movie..scared of the dark he holds his mom’s hands,she pats his head reassuringly... a flash,a smoke, murmurings, baam baam , screams , the kid clenches the hand, never came the pat, nor came the whispered reassurances.. through the smoke he saw a mask.. a joker...  he lay their shocked to silence clenching his perforated batman balloon and his mothers fingers in his two little fists...... 

veiled sadness.....

.

a veiled face, a burqa clad women..

 the gesture of surrender.. the heavy sigh as she leans over on the framework of the over-bridge.. through the hidden veil flows her tears...none notice, none care.... among all the amputed and time wrinkled beggars she stood out... faceless she was but even then she emitted a great misery... all lost, helpless...i wanted to reach out for her, comfort her..but like many others i rushed towards the platform.. like all the drones going for work i headed out for college.. but she was on my mind all the while.. a tremor, a defeated shrug , like all that was warm seeped out ... it was valentines day.. a celebration of love.. are we so blind and selfish that we choose to ignore the distress calls??.. is valentines day just celebration with your loved one and not the collective same species love... more refined way is humanism?!.. chuck valentine day and all the rubbish of love in the air, if one cant empathise or be compassionate....

killer sounds!!!

Indian culture does portray a lively and colourful way of life but does it really mean at the cost of others peace?? I thank saridon and earplugs to keep me sane enough to lock myself at home and abstain myself from the sin of being a party spoiler by tearing away the cables to the sound system and put a full stop to the insanely djed songs and the potential of the music bringing spasms of pain to all the auditory sensory organs...if anyone reads a report of a mass murder of “party maker jerky pigs” i take full responsibility of it... let the heavens decide my punishment.. but for the time being, i shall be the Hercules of the new age, who kills the sonic monsters... GOD! Make them stop before i commit an unpardonable sin!!

hmmmpphhhh.........

DID I TELL YOU, HOW MUCH I MISS YOU??? 

NO??!! :O

GOOD.... CAUSE I DON'T !!!!!!!  >:@  >:(