zombie ramblings..

Imagine when a rocket shoots straight into the sky and suddenly runs out of fuel, it suspends mid air waits facing upwards for few seconds, anticipating the next move and baam you are speeding towards concrete jungle leaving a fire trail crashing through empty building, smashing zombies, setting fire to zombie clubs..which had zombies doing zombie moves with zombie music with zombie beats. And then, the rocket door opens with zombie astronauts come out with half burnt bodies gnawing at their suits having no idea that minutes before they were at the peak of their lives.

Hence inferred,  I am in a very dark mood, as opposed to my rainbows and ballet doing zombies with cute pink frocks. Why the rants about zombies? cause i haven't seen the recent walking dead scenes and have been avoiding twd spoilers which are sprayed all over the net. (and also i dont need the excuse for my zombie drooling). For people who really want to know the reason behind my dark mood and also if they could find any analogy between my rocket suspending and zombie dancing you would know that I am talking about the relativity between happiness and time speed ( i know you would have seen it!)

There are times when you feel it's a dream and you wake up to someother world. mostly you feel so when things are going too good or too bad in which case you would just hope you wake up in a less worse place than you are. You did have a walk holding hands and wonder if it's real, Laugh at some stupid joke and wonder if the time would come back again. The constant questioning of reality. The answer to which just seems vague. When you start feeling dizzy with these speculations you just take a sigh and go with the flow. You come out from the speculative sphere and for that moment which was standstill, that moment when you were admiring the world, the people, the feeling, is the moment when the rocket stands stills till you come out of it and crash into the "reality" if you believe so and crash into the rawness and messy lives of zombies. Cause when you are a zombie you don't question you let the disease control you.

We needn't be the bloody, gory, limb missing, bad hair day zombies. The absence of spark is what a zombie truly is. WELOME TO THE ZOMBIE WORLD!

    In celebration of being zombies.. 

Why should chapattis be gol (circle) ??

Why indeed! Why cant they be some random shape... may be a country or a smashed face..or a bird flying or diamond shape.. that needs talent too! Why my question about chapattis??  Does it have a geometrical aspect to it, or an aesthetic one? Or just one of the many never-asked-never-answered questions?! Well, every Indian household with a daughter(s) when reaching to a certain age have to sign in into Indain-culinary classes (creating the perfect brides since time immemorable)... so without knowing you are made to prepare for questions like “sasural wale kya kahinge” which is a rhetorical question.. if “sasural wale” indeed ask something act dumb (as written in page 23 of “Q and A of sasural wale”)

Case 1

Sasural wale: Beta, do you know to make rotis?

Beta : uhmm, of course aunty.. good round fulka rotis..

Sasural : (she hesitated, too much information, probably a show off, definitely doesn’t know to make rotis) :stamps REJECTED on the photo:

Case2

Sasural wale: beta, do you know to make rotis?

Beta: :stares at the wall:

Beta’s ma: of course she does, makes rotis everyday..! almost like Ma Annarpurna has blessed her rotis!

Sasural: (thinks: good obedient girl, let elders ans,her mom is very truthful,no reasons for her to lie)  .. she is prrrrrreefect! :ties the mangal sutr around her neck herself:

But as soon as she presents her sasuralwale with a bird shaped roti, she would be probably handed divorce papers conjured right out from thin air.. would it matter if they are edible? NO! The roti needs to look good, even if it means to be crushed into a plum and dissolved into a sludge with more horrible looking acids...

Atlast everything comes down to looks..even a roti has to pass the judgmental eyes of people. Checking out its shape, colour, texture, contours.. you are damned to make pokemon rotis, its a 109% no no for the grey hairs, though will make you real famous with the kids! ;) and yes my roti shaping skills suck! Too free minded to make circular rotis (thats what i like to believe, i-got-roti-making-dyslexia)

Here Comes The *SUN*

As Mumbai was in the brick of an zombie apocalypse caused by incessant rains in more animated words –“raining blue whales and brochiosauruses” and filtered sun rays through dense almost opaque clouds.. to save the day, oh no the month, humanity.. came the sun! The pale mumbaikars who had started limping and looking for dry roads stared into the warm rays like they were stunted by the warmth.. a whole month ie 30days..ie 720 hours ie 43200 mins ie 2592000secs ie 2.592X10^9 micro-secs ie.....

In came the blissful excited protons (rays) piercing through the clouds proving whose the boss of the skies and shooting right over the morbid grey port hole riddled roads and waterlogged rail tracks. A few more days and i bet on my happy soul that there would have been a zombie outbreak.. with commutators waddling through knee deep water  and infecting others by just looking at them.. their damp clothes that refuse to dry clinging to their bodies which have gone pale, leathery and wrinkled due to the absence of vitaminD and constant osmosis taking place.. it would have been zombieland revisted!

May be i speak too soon. Hopefully the sun comes and stays for a day or two. Cause it wont be long before i start missing the splashing about dirty water and complaining about truckloads of rain!

PS: when you have nothing to talk, talk about the weather. 

the constant variable. . .

dream???

oh god.. this is going to take some time......and shit happens

the usual boringness of the vacation had engulfed me. The sudden absence of a constant adrenaline of exams made things as void as it could be. Life seemed pretty purposeless. And all one could do is stare into all types of electronic screens possible. I was mid way of watching the Independence day for the nth time when..

Buzz. Buzz.. eh! Another call. I had enough! Damn it! Another wrong no!

Buzz buzz.. the cell rang again and this time it was pure static.. in rage i switched off the cell. The static had been troubling me for a long time. But i was too lazy to go to the service centre.

Switching off the cell i continued my limbo into the movie. Buzz buzz... the screen was blinking again. How the f**K! With obvious irritation i picked up the phone seeing digits just continuously appearing on the screen. On picking up there was a huge static and the sound was all i could here. All went blank except the sound.

Scene outside: at that very moment all world had gone still. Every person possible had received a similar call and been send into a semiconscious state. The world was asleep except for a continuous buzzzzzzzz.. omnipresent. Not one was spared.

Waking up i find myself sitting on a branch of a very ancient tree(when did i learn to climb trees?!).. a pig with wings flew above me. What.. the..!! surely i must be dreaming. .. the next thing i know i was in a room paneled with mirrors. And all i could see was myself reflected 100 times over.. a variety of images came flashing some childhood some totally unrelated and some of so stark a reality that it was like waking up from a dream. All i could see were uv lights around illuminating and glowing MRI like machines and then again those weird dreams.

The scene: pods filled with fluid were kept with blacklight illuminating the floating bodies. Quire jellylike figures moving around the floor with a noticeable head like formation and creating tentacles for movement. They communicated with high pitched sounds. Like crackling signals.

Aliens to each other: what a boring science project! All you had to do is make them listen our voice! (crackles)

Yeah! Silly humans! Thinking they have made a scratch on the infinite universe.. buyeahhh! In their faces! (laughs)

It’s time.. we have to take the best samples and be off. We have stayed long enough as it is!

Shah! And i thought we did have a longer IV!

The protagonist:  why is it so cold suddenly? Oh shit! I fell asleep on the floor!  And then i had this splitting headache. So went off to get some saridon and coffee. And to my surprise the moon and the sun were together in the sky.. or was it ???  

The alien: pssstt.. i didn’t return of the specimens! (laughing) i have got a HUMAN pet!! 

HO HO HO!!!!!!

And the fat old man with beard as white as snow zooms through swishing and flying snow all the way.
" i won again you hapless carrot nose"
" me carrot.. huh! look at your's... button nose!"
"uffff... atleast watch what you are talking, you guys are on TV!! " the cameraman elf said
this Christmas thing is killing. these new age kids.. man! now i have to shoot for the reality tv. hmmffff!...

mean while in the toy factory elves were hard at work with the continuous down pour of emails sorting them, packing, labeling,  it was whole lot of work. And the gifts with naughty children were marked with a black "X" .. A sudden shout from the IT cabin followed by shouts of "i am coming! i am COMIN!!!!" by the tech maintenance guy with the thickest glasses ever seen.. the mail had crashed once again.

Going over to the old white haired elf who seemed to be as old as santa said.
"huh! it was so quite and peaceful so many letters got lost in the post. now ever single one comes! blah!!"      : may be i should edit this part :

Soon all the packed goods were being loaded in now hi-tech sledge with in built GPRS locator and power boosters. The presents seemed to be less bulky and more of slim rectangular shaped, most having ipods and tablets and laptops and xboxes. sigh! tastes keep changing.

All the elves, the toy-makers  the packers, the IT department were together standing around the huge Christmas tree with Santa and The Snowman and the reindeer something about Christmas never changes. With a booming "HO HO HO!" Santa mounted the sledge with his cousin Snowman and zoomed into the stars of north pole... little did he and others know he was being tracked by google!

Long or short?

It’s an eternal question of doubt ever since Eve had hair. The length is pretty important. Too short may make you look too boyish or too long may make you look like a lice ridden long jata of the beggar.

SNIP SNIP!

When we were children never bothered about hair much. I remember sitting in a stool in front of baba as he masterfully snipped off hair to a perfect “bati chaat” (bowl cut) it’s like those monk cuts except for the bald patch in the middle.

A few years and i started to yearn for long hair just to tie a tiny ponytail perhaps. But nah, too troublesome for a daughter of both parent’s working again i didn’t bother.

A few more years and i started to grow it. With a lot of pride i showed it off to my friends but as ever it was shunned saying “cmon that’s not long!” but my pride just thought “ huh! They are just jealous!”  But 5 months into growing it long and i was fed up already and cut it short. Short very short. I wonder how rapunzel ever managed to even comb it everyday!  

FYI: longest hair record is held by Xie Qiuping (China) at 5.627m (18 ft 5.54 in). It’s almost like growing hair is her super power!

People make a lot of fuss about hair. After my daring act of chopping of the mane, i got so many reviews about it. Some said “oh god your long hair!” (like i lost an arm!) some complimented rest disgusted. It’s like a taboo having short hair. Like it’s to own to being disciple of satan,  to have short hair. It’s a conservative and dogmatic  society. Refusing to see the logicality of the concept.  No wonder hair products have such a huge consumer all over India. So much hair does require a lot of shampoo and conditioner.

Bare with me. After effects of environment education exam and not to mention exams OVER! A whole 5 semesters blinked away! 

defining the perfect smile.

i could watch pretty woman just for her... yes i am robertized! she does have a perfect smile.. and a standard with whom all the best smiles are compared. if ever someone tells "you got a julia robert smile" it's a the highest degree of compliment i could ever give! :)

Pretty woman indeed! :)

pota-toes po-tatoes :D

a song hard to miss in the movie "when harry met sally".. yes a pretty late nightish or rather early morningish post.. no don't take me as a morning person not one inch!. but well, it's "ASSIGNMENT TIME!" to all engineers in making it's time to be nocturnal or mostly insomniac.. and what better company than a couple of good old movies and lots of water.. enjoy the song! :) 

the price of being worthless.....is surprisingly high!

each strike of the hands have a story to tell...

TIME- the beginning of an endless end.....

its got a peculiar relative property, and i bet the peculiarity hasn't gone unnoticed! people with the capability of utilising 3 or more than 3% of their brain power wonder and figure out theories to estimate and study it like the highly controversial theory of relativity by Einstein (hats off to his imaginative powers!) but for a lame and ordinary man with average IQ levels time is an entity.. a fourth dimension like many would want to consider... its equation (my conclusions have been)ie the passage of time is inversely proportional to what one wants!! 

for example: the many times you want the time to go by fast like when you are writing the last exam of the semester, or when you are cramped up in a train with a particularly fat person smelling not so pleasant, or the many awkward moments one has to face.....it seems to slog on for what would have been a whole milena of trampling dinosaurs!

on the contrary, the bizillions of times when you want the seconds to tick in a pace slower than the snail or sloth it takes to its fancy to race by the minutes like pico seconds! 

time seems infinite having no dimensions but still it has its beginning but never an end.. after every hour comes the next and so is the infinite loop.. we all are stuck in spiders web of time.. it has always been a bitch.. a witchy bitch!

veiled sadness.....

.

a veiled face, a burqa clad women..

 the gesture of surrender.. the heavy sigh as she leans over on the framework of the over-bridge.. through the hidden veil flows her tears...none notice, none care.... among all the amputed and time wrinkled beggars she stood out... faceless she was but even then she emitted a great misery... all lost, helpless...i wanted to reach out for her, comfort her..but like many others i rushed towards the platform.. like all the drones going for work i headed out for college.. but she was on my mind all the while.. a tremor, a defeated shrug , like all that was warm seeped out ... it was valentines day.. a celebration of love.. are we so blind and selfish that we choose to ignore the distress calls??.. is valentines day just celebration with your loved one and not the collective same species love... more refined way is humanism?!.. chuck valentine day and all the rubbish of love in the air, if one cant empathise or be compassionate....

its Feb yet again!!!

The beauty of months is each has it own speciality ,its own identity.... Feb is no different,marked by occasions days, fest (for college goers) , the near ending of winter, dawning of spring, chilly mornings, warm sun, games.....and yes its uniqueness of having an extra day to  its month!

Through all the years( not much really)Feb has transformed itself for me... in school it was all about sports day and annual functions, of practises and costumes and the collective complaining of inhuman makeup that teachers liked to believe made us look at our prettiest best for the performance...

And now in college its about going around in fests organising them having days to follow and tinge of romance in air... everything is more or less same.. the withering and blossoming.. the delightful tickle of the morning breeze...the burst of earthly colours as the train rushes by.. the days when i truly enjoy my companyless travel to college... Feb is like raisins in a plum cake... has its own surprising flavour to the otherwise predictable year.....

the last time i talked rubbish...

I know the heading seems a bit absurd and the fact that ..well,you know i ALWAYS do talk rubbish... so you  might be wondering that what this post is about... the fact being i got no idea of what to write and just... well, wanted to type on the keyboard(yes, i get weird fascinations) so i guess.. i AM actually talking rubbish and rubbish about nothing(pssstt... it is a secret... i am trying to prove myself as a lunatic!)

Well this is just a list of indications or symptoms can be even broken done to five stages that one must notice when you have i-can-talk-rubbish-till-eternity syndrome..

1.   The people around you or rather your audience will give you
      obvious signs that you are going to far with the rambling...

  (if you ignore that)

2.    They start teasing you and try to come up with topics which  
       can have least possibilities of your talking garbage..

   (and if you can still overcome that, applause to your creative mind!)

3.    They just keep mum and let you chatter away

       (and even THEN if you fail to realize, the amount of mental   
        torture you are)

4.     They start pulling and tearing up their hair..

        (i should think by now the TALKER would notice that but for the obvious reasons ignorant of the cause of such sudden desperate drastic actions)

5.      The last and the final stage would be ..   
         GOD SAVE YOU....

 The above points that i have enlisted is just to help out people who have a tendency to incline towards talks that many wont appreciate..... the fact that i realized it today after i had passed all the four stages with a blessed ignorance.. i can now proudly claim that i have been the reason of balding a minimum group of five... but stunts like these are not advisable rather life threatening.. a small contribution for the betterment of the world.!

Everything seems unreal...

At one in the night finding yourself on the wrong side of the bed with a broken dream having uncanny resemblance to the reality.. i don't know about others i question the reality and the disturbing notion of the movie inception flashes by.... sigh! this is not helping .. may be should just try and get some sleep or rather get back to so called "dreaming" which could be reality and all this a dream.... or the other way... (oh! shut up for god-sakes) 

TOODLES!